Antisocial

When you miss the learning that others have value. When you are raised with so little love and caring that you believe the basic premise is to meet your own needs. When you act on impulse regardless of how it effects others. When you use kittens for shark bait, and don’t understand why I want to kill you for even considering that.

Is it hopeless? Should I shunt you out of my office?

But what if your desire is art and true love? Two of the closest meanings to my heart?

He has an art beyond card making or hobby shit. He makes beautiful things. He had a woman he loved beyond his art, whom he gave everything up for. He gave up his art. And then he started the prison/jail cycle, and left her at home for years on end. She gave him a disease. She crossed the line he had set. She became worthy of death and dismemberment.

He asks me if romantic love is possible. And he tells me about the violent acts he has done to get money for his drugs. He is skilled at his art and does beautiful work, intermixed with violent expression. What do I do?

He will never understand why I do what I do. He can grasp my feeling for him, but he will never understand in some internal way why I come to work and try to find a thread to lead him and his (hated) brethren out of hell. I think I can help him see his choices lead him away from that which fills his immediate need and find the long term goal. Otherwise, he could stay in prison for the next fifty years and practice his craft in this very limited way. He could decide to abide by societies rules and give up that desire for immediate gratification?

Is it worth my time and energy? Will I just help him leave and destroy somebody else? Smash their face in for the $50 in their wallet? Or do I just sigh and decide to support him through my tax dollars through the next fifty years in the prison system?

Will these questions destroy my marriage? Will they destroy me?