Harmony Deconstructed

Reading Mr. R.’s thoughts on Harmony is how we started group. Of course, I needed to do a bit of interpreting or simplifying for those listening. His thoughts are huge and dense. After the first paragraph, I asked Mr. R. if he was quoting something or somebody. He looked at me with total confusion… I then asked if these were the thoughts in his head, and he nodded solemnly, as though the thought of plagiarizing had never entered his mind.

So the group is concentrating very hard, except two or three of them, who I can tell I’ve lost. I think they freaked out at the thought of their own disharmony. And I stashed that in my head to address in a moment.

“What indicates harmony in a person?” I ask.

Here is what the guys come up with:

First they say that I’m harmonious, and I can hear the husband cracking up… “How?” I ask

“You’re nice.”

For those of you reading this blog, I need to tell you ‘nice’ is not a word often associated with me.

“Great,” I say, and write it on the board. “The next thing I suspect you’ll say is that I’m ‘cute,’” a word I hate.

“Oh no, Ms. M., we couldn’t possibly say that to you…,” grinning. It is inappropriate conversation to give me a compliment…but apparently just fine for them to be smart asses.

So they come up with a list of personal attributes that make harmony:

Harmony can be detected through the following characteristics.
Empathy
Adaptability
Passion for life
Being “real,” not using “masks”
Humor

(I got rid of the niceness thing…)

Then they come up with:

Harmony can be destroyed through
Bullshit
Nervousness
Blaming

Harmony is blocked when negative feelings are unreleased; when they are allowed; when they are fed and encouraged.

Mr. I. announces our group is a fine example of harmoniousness. I get chills; he understands exactly what I am fishing for, and is two steps ahead, nailing an idea I’d yet to consider myself.

But I still know we have lost a few, and I ask about group members that might not feel any harmony in themselves? I asked what we do when some of the group members are not connected to the conversation? How does that work? How can that be harmony?

One of the guys points to Mr. Pink. (I’m going to start giving them pseudonyms instead of initials, I think it is less confusing. Mr. Pink is a white guy from the country, who has nothing in common with my inner-city guys. He is slow in his thinking, but often has useful stuff to contribute.)

In painfully slow speech he says, “What if some guy has trouble following what is being talked about, and he needs to think about the words? And what if some guy has to work out what is meant? And what if some guy looses track of what is being said while he’s thinking?”

Mr. Phillips (previously Mr. P), is writhing in his seat. “I can’t stand listening to him. How can the rest of you just sit there while he, while he…”

“Mr. Phillips, why is it hard for your to listen?” Mr. Phillips with that question has pushed us the edge of harmony, and the group wavers before falling off. Mr. Pink is often almost identified as the scapegoat, someone at whom anybody else can take a pot shot. But he always saves the situation by laughing with them, diffusing the nastiness and reasserting harmony. Mr. Pink is a strange note in the group, and I can’t remember why I added him. The same reason we put salt in baked goods, I suppose, and he is equally important.

Mr. Innes (previously Mr. I.) observes that Mr. Phillips wants to care take everybody, and because of that, can’t stand the time it takes for an idea to emerge from Mr. Pink. He wants to drag the words out in a less painful way.

Mr. Phillips acknowledges this, and the moment of difficulty flows into the harmony of the group.

“But still, how can we have harmony in the group when individuals feel unharmonious?” They can see it happen, but can’t conceptualize it. Maybe I’m asking too much. But I need the guys that feel incapable of the harmony to understand it is not critical.

Silence.

“The greater function of the group brings us into a higher aspect of being?” For most of them, I might as well been speaking Portuguese with that statement.

“Do you know what carding wool is about?” Nope, although more familiar than Portugal.

Somebody suggests untangling threads. Good enough. He wins a free trip to South America…

We decide as a group, we all come in with tangled threads, and as group unknots them, leaving them clear and smoothed out. And we leave feeling stronger and informed, not like some freak on the outside of humanity.

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This group piqued tremendous discussion over the course of the next few days as I made my friends read Mr. Phillips' treatise. The most notable additions were:

Failure to assert self thoughts and ideas is not harmonious (in response to Mr. Stewart, aka Mr. S.’s fear that harmony meant giving up.)

When you want something, give away what you want.

Did Mr. Phillips swallow a lawyer?

Additional aspects of harmony might include cooperation, acceptance, and gratefulness.

Hey, Maclean, you’re quite the bug swatter…

And then the whole integration with my concept of shiny bits.